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NVC Resources on Feelings

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Learning From Our Regrets

Trainer Tip Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. —Louis Pasteur Changing our focus from trying to win and be right to connecting is a paradigm shift. We are bound to make mistakes in the beginning, which may cause discomfort. Consider the times when you didn’t respond the way you wanted. How could you have handled that situation...
The Presence Of Hearing Someone Deeply

Trainer Tip The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never...
Meeting Our Need for Support

Trainer Tip My mind is over-taxed. Brave and courageous as I am, I feel that creeping on of that inevitable thing, a breakdown, if I cannot get some immediate relief. I need somebody to come and get me. —Mary McLeod Bethune We all need to reach out for support sometimes, and we may feel embarrassed to let others know how down in the dumps we are. We may value our image or our need for...
Differentiating Needs from Strategies

Trainer Tip "Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy" ——Ralph Waldo Emerson Sometimes it is hard to remember that needs are universal and strategies are specific. Strategies are the methods we use to get our needs met. When we focus on needs, our world can feel abundant with possibility. When we focus on a particular strategy, our world can feel scarce. Conflicts arise when...
Empowering Ourselves Through Our Choices

Trainer Tip The best way out is always through. —Robert Frost Every time we do something because we think we have to, or because we think we should, we are motivating ourselves through guilt and shame. How does it feel to do this? It can feel overwhelming and restricting. Sometimes, it can actually feel like there’s a heavy weight on our chest. Try a new way— discard the words “I have to” and...
Creating Your Experience

Trainer Tip Somebody’s boring me . . . I think it’s me. —Dylan Thomas Is it sometimes hard for you to be honest about who you are? Do you ever censor yourself to meet your needs for acceptance or community? It can be challenging to be the only one on the bus who wants to go to the mountains, when everyone else wants to go to the beach, isn't it! It is so easy to say, “What a boring speaker.”...
Hearing The Yes Behind The No

Trainer Tip "Why do you walk through the field in gloves When the grass is soft as the breasts of doves And shivering sweet to the touch?" —Frances Comford It is often easy for us to hear rejection when someone says “no” to us. If we focus on the rejection, we may feel hurt and fail to take the time to understand what is going on with them. However, if we focus on their feelings and needs, we...
Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer. Read this article Keywords:...
Core Beliefs and Gratitude Exercise

How core beliefs may keep us from fully experiencing gratitude: Some of my core beliefs make experiencing gratitude difficult. For example, it’s difficult to celebrate others or myself when I think I have to prove my worth in order to be accepted. So much energy goes into proving myself, there’s little left for celebration. I find that when I clarify my core beliefs and the underlying needs...
Uncertainty, Human Limitations, and Acceptance

I know I am done working my way through something when I get to a place of feeling grateful for it. That’s when I know that I have assimilated the events, and am open to life again. Sometimes it takes years (some things I may not finish while alive, I am quite sure of that), and sometimes it takes only moments. This morning I went from acute helplessness to gratitude in less than an hour, and I...