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NVC Resources on Feelings

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The Gift of Understanding

Trainer Tip It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding. —Kahil Gibran All people long for understanding. It is such an easy thing to give, yet rarely do we see its importance in creating peace of mind. Consider a situation in which you have just heard that your boyfriend is dating one of your friends. You call another friend to tell her about it and...
Expressing Appreciation

Trainer Tip "I kiss the God in you that allows you to give us what you did." ——Nafez Assailey Heartfelt appreciation expresses how a person’s actions have influenced our lives. It is about how we receive the actions, not about judging the person. If a friend takes time off work to drive you to the doctor’s office, you could say, “You’re great for taking me to the doctor.” Such a comment, albeit...
How Anger Can Help or Hinder

We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication. Anger is an important signaling system letting...
Being Persistent About Getting Our Needs Met

Trainer Tip By perseverance the snail reached the ark. —Charles Haddon Spurgeon Do you ever find yourself in an argument that doesn’t seem to have a solution? Consider this couple’s situation. The husband picks up after himself and he likes a neat home; the wife tends to put things down and leave them there. Their arguments usually involve the husband accusing the wife of being lazy and...
The Tao of Empathy

John introduces his Self-Connection Exercise as a mindful way of coming to awareness via OFNR. Breath: immediately observable, a reminder to observe. Body: feeling the body, awareness of sensations. Needs: an experience of wholeness that expands awareness of the totality of experience. Listen. Keywords: John Kinyon empathy tao OFNR NVC basics NVC fundamentals exercises/practices exercises self...
Making Requests to Enrich Our Lives

Trainer Tip The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it, whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul. —Rona Barrett Contrary to popular belief, when you make a request of someone, you do not diminish your relationship; you enhance it. It is laborious, frustrating, and futile to search for the perfect person who will automatically know what you want...
The Surprising Root of Self-Sabotage

When it comes to self-sabotage and self-limitation, what's happening when we make ourselves smaller than we are? And what is it with the crippling experience we suffer when we exceed our own self-imposed limitations? What unconscious needs is your nervous system meeting by remaining small? Read on for the insights of Beatrice Beebe's research on biological imperatives, emotional language, and...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 4

When you are hoping for support from another, you are most likely to enjoy receiving that support when the person giving support is giving from the heart—from a place of joy or delight. When they give support out of obligation or from fear of punishment, rejection, or judgment, or from hope for a reward, that support is usually not very fun to receive. In order to receive enjoyable support,...
Honesty Is the Key

Trainer Tip "It is tempting to sleepwalk through life. To tell half-truths, listen halfway, be half-asleep, drive with half attention . . . Wake Up!" —Sark Do you sometimes struggle with honesty? Do you ever have something you’d like to say to someone, but worry about how she will receive it? In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and an...
Empathy For Children

Trainer Tip I believe that only genuine mutual understanding can sustain peace . . . —Lucy Leu The empathy process in Nonviolent Communication involves listening for the feelings and needs of another person. We can do this with children as well as adults. Say your child is not eating his dinner. You can choose to understand what is going on with him rather than try to change his behavior. He...