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NVC Resources on Feelings

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NVC Life Hacks 38

Have you ever said 'I'm Sorry' to someone, only for it to leave you feeling disappointed and lacking connection? In some cultures, saying 'I'm sorry' has become too easy and is used for all sorts of situations. Whether it's just to excuse yourself as you pass in front of someone taking a photo, or if you've truly hurt a close friend. So when we really need to communicate regret, how can we do...
W.A.I.T: Practices For Presence And Patience

With these practices make space before reacting to emotion or external stimulus. This can enable your capacity to respond from your self-connection to universally shared values. With practice you can create the capacity to temporarily put impulsiveness aside, in the service of connection with yourself and others, and in service of more informed and effective strategies. Read this practice...
Practicing With Anger

Anger is neither good nor bad. When you don't foresee it or you haven't cultivated a relationship to anger, you may behave from it and hurt yourself and others. There are three reasons anger may rise: primitive anger, resistance, and lack of resources. For practicing with these last two types of anger, we'll look at four practices: cultivate awareness, pause and expand, self-care and planning,...
How To Find Your Center Instead of Defending

Notice when you start to defend. Is your body tensing up? Feeling desperate for the other to understand you or your intentions? Find yourself explaining your behavior, giving all the good reasons why you did what you did? Trying to convince the other of your good intentions? If so, ask yourself: “Is this what I want to be doing right now? Is this really helping?” then practice one of these...
The Why And How Of Accessing Grief

Grief is often confused with anguish. Anguish is a painful feeling that comes along with deep resistance to an experience or the truth. Grief that leads to healing is an expansive state. It is a willingness to be with an experience and truth. If you're not resisting grief, then it's a neutral-to-pleasant experience. Pleasant sensations can include a sense of space and relief as something is...
Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the...
Releasing Our Judgments

Trainer Tip There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. —Edith Wharton An underlying theme in a Nonviolent Communication consciousness is to translate our judgments into feelings and needs. It is impossible to value other people’s needs and remain compassionate if we simultaneously harbor judgments. Releasing judgments, however, can feel like a...
Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

Trainer Tip "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." —Rumi Do you engage in negative self-talk? This can be a message you give yourself, such as “Well, that was stupid.” Or “I know better and I did it anyway!” Or “I am so fat.” Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and...
When You Are Being "Talked At"

Has someone ever talked to you to the extent that you're no longer enjoying it, and you now wonder if they even know you're there? Learn ways to bring in emotional understanding, engage more honestly and open-heartedly, and bridge next steps to the type of conversation that engages everyone's needs. Read this article Keywords: practice interrupting request honesty honest expression monologue...
Confidentiality Agreement

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, In the second meeting of our beginner’s NVC practice group, one of the participants asked us (the two facilitators) if there was any kind of confidentiality agreement that was typically used in NVC practice groups. That question stimulated a number of other participants to feel concerned about confidentiality. One person suggested that we have an agreement to use...