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NVC Resources on Feelings

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Making Requests Count

Trainer Tip There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And, if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. —Martha Graham The first three components of the Nonviolent Communication process clarify our observations, feelings,...
Listening, The Next Step

Trainer Tip No partner in a love relationship . . . should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable. —May Sarton Often, in our effort to be heard, we forget to listen to others. If we want to ensure that we are heard, we can ask the other person to reflect what they heard us say. Then it is our turn to hear what is going on with them. We might ask, “How do you...
Celebrate Your Progress!

Trainer Tip To me, every hour of the light and dark is a miracle. Every cubic inch of space is a miracle. —Walt Whitman Do you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed with all that you want to do, rather than celebrating what you’ve already done? I started jogging recently. The first day I jogged for two minutes and walked for four minutes, and then repeated this cycle four times. To keep my...
Taking Responsibility For Our Requests

Trainer Tip I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches. —Alice Roosevelt Longworth Do you ever wonder if the reason your needs don’t often get met has something to do with you? I used to think this, but I would reassure myself that there was nothing wrong with me. Somehow it seemed more comfortable to blame other people for their inability to...
Our Afghan Story Revisited

Close to 20 years ago I went to Pakistan with my close colleague Ike Lasater to work with Afghan tribal elders in a refugee camp along the border. It was January 2002, soon after the 9/11 terrorist attacks in the U.S. and our bombings and invasion of Afghanistan. It was a particularly dangerous time for Americans to go to that part of the world, yet for reasons I can only understand in...
Parenting Series: The Importance of Self-Empathy

Inbal offers parents and anyone with children in their life a lucid discussion of the important role self-empathy plays in creating healthy, supportive relationships. Are the strategies you're using right now supporting your goals for the relationships you want with your children? In this introduction to the NVC principle of self-empathy, Inbal uses an interactive dialogue and simple...
Four Types of Feedback

Trainer Tip Here are four different ways you may offer feedback, followed by the four ways you can hear any message: What's wrong? Destructive Criticism: Demeaning, depreciative, punitive intending to tear a person down. What's right? Constructive Criticism: Timely, sympathetic, supportive, explicit, instructive, problem-solving, intending to build the person up. Feedback by demonstration: We...
Silent Empathy

Trainer Tip Silence is one of the most effective forms of communication. —Proverb You may be listening to a friend describe something that is very painful for her. You’d really like to empathize but you don’t trust your skills. Consider silent empathy. It is exactly the same process as empathy—listening for the feelings and needs of the other person—except that it’s done silently. When you...
Distinguishing Self-Revealing from Projection

In this excerpt from their book, CHOICE: A field guide for navigating the polarization of our world and living interdependently, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between revealing ourselves and projection. Self-Revealing Making visible my feelings and values I choose to express authentically. Sharing my unique perspective, I take responsibility for my...
Interventions For Anger

Anger is a sign that you're resisting what's happening because you perceive an overwhelming threat, not trusting yourself to handle what's happening directly. Vulnerable feelings under anger are usually fear, hurt, or grief. Experiencing and expressing these feelings and connecting them to your needs, gives you access to more skill, insight, compassion, and wisdom. Read on for 3 questions to...